Category Archives: South India

The marrying types

The “Matrimonials” supplement in the Times of India makes for far more interesting reading than the trashy Cars/Travel/Weekend/Gear sections in the UK Papers.

It’s eight pages long, and there are 41 categories of groom advertising for a bride, with slightly more categories of brides looking for their man. Most of the categories are either region or caste-specific. Some advertise “sub caste no bar” or “suitable bride sub-sect no bar”, but the majority demonstrate that the caste system is alive and well, such as:

“Brahmin 27/5’7″ boy empld. Chevron Corpn. USA seeks prof girl.”

(Although given the continuing bad news for the US, he may be limiting his options with that one). Other ad categories are more explicit, for example “NRI/Green Cards” (10 entries) – an admirable display of 21st century realism. There’s even a category for “HIV Positive” (1 entry).

Currently in Bangalore, with a ticket for tomorrow’s England v India cricket game, which came my way for free – story in due course.

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Going with the flow in Hampi

[I am extremely pleased to see that KP and those who count in English cricket are reading my blog, and consequently put Ravi Bopara at the top of the order where he scored 60. I may well stage a coup at the Bangalore stadium on Sunday to get rid of the disastrous Peter Moores. He has to go.]

I awoke this morning at 5am in a place called Hampi, an ancient medieval city, set among miles and miles of huge boulder fields. It is a world heritage site, with a dramatic, mystical atmosphere.

Given the ungodly hour, I decided to set off to the top of a renowned 300m high local hill, Matanga, to watch the sun rise. Head torch in place, I enquired of a policeman dozing in his hut as to the best route to the top.

Asking directions in India inevitably induces a vague wave of the arm with an equally vague “go straight”, normally accompanied by a head wobble of varying sorts. Setting off up a hill covered in potentially disorientating huge boulders at 5am, that felt strangely inadequate, especially when the path gave way to rough scrub which it felt like was likely to harbour the entire world population of grumpy hyenas.

I therefore opted for perching on a boulder to watch Surya’s glory rise. The experience was truly unforgettable. I may not have quite achieved the atom of delight , but certainly had a serene two hours feeling the heat of the sun slowly spread through the air and across my weary limbs, and realising how lucky I am to be here.

I could wax lyrical for hours about this place – the monuments, the views, the history, the air – but I won’t, as you really need to come here yourselves.

The journey here from Goa yesterday was by train, in a coach with 2 Australian girls and a Frenchman. The Frenchman was not looking well, and he explained that his personal “phoney war” had well and truly ended that morning. I cheerfully passed on some advice that I have recently been given for the treatment of these things – combining Imodium (acts like a plug in a sink) and Ciprofloxacin (multi-purpose antibiotic) at the same time. That way the AB can have maximum effect on the nasty germs in the sink, so to speak. It was my misfortune however that one of the Australians was a homeopathic doctor. She looked at me as if I was the devil, before giving diametrically opposed advice to flush it all through the system as nature intended. I spent the rest of the journey hiding behind my book.

To get to Hampi, I fluked a ride on the back of a motorbike, arriving with a few hours of daylight to spare. Hampi is increasingly popular, not least with those wanting to lose themselves in a cloud of finest Afghan for a week/month/year or so. As most other people were therefore either half-baked or had wilted from the heat by that stage of the day, I decided to take advantage of my relative freshness with a visit to the Hanuman (Monkey-god) temple.

This required a ride in a coracle across a broad river. As usual, the negotiation for a fee for this trip started with a ridiculously exorbitant request from the 16-year-old boy standing protectively by his coracle, followed by an equally ludicrously low starting point from me. I thought I was doing quite well for a while, even though he had a strong argument that taking one person was more expensive than the 10 the coracle could hold. (I felt that his argument that taking me was like taking two people anyway was a little below the belt to be honest, but probably helped him secure a kings ransom of 70 rupees. The last laugh was on him – I think he enjoyed the downstream journey more than the upstream journey).

The whole experience in Hampi, yesterday and today, from the Monkey temple, to an 8km early morning walk through the awe-inspiring landscape (photos to follow), and of course visiting the fascinating ruins, has been fantastic.

I even managed to witness democracy in action – seeing 40 people sitting cross-legged outside the Archaeological Survey of India, I enquired of a man who looked like he was in charge if they were waiting for work. “No”, he proudly replied. “We’re on strike!” Good on them.

Such a contrast from Goa. Bangalore, where I am heading now by train, will be completely different too.

And on this particular journey tonight (my first night train), I think I’ll keep my mouth firmly shut. For once.

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Shastri, my scooter and me


[“You want t-shirt?”
“No.”
“You want nice sarong?”
“No”
“You want nice print sheet – very nice for beach… you want towel?”
“No – thank you.”
“You want nice necklace – you look? Very nice for you…”
“No”
“Looking is free – you look?”
“No”
“You no buy, just look OK?”
“No”
“You very nice man, where you from?”
“No”

Ad infinitum. Enough said.]

So, the scooter. Two wheels is the way to get around in Goa, so I picked an Indian guy with friendly eyes (Shastri), paid the price he asked (400 rupees, about 6 quid for two days) and I was off.

Given that prior experience was not required, and that the lesson consisted of “Key –here, accelerate – here, brake – here, this is very important”, I opted for an afternoon on the quiet roads on day one to break myself in. Mind you, the temptation to open up the throttle and tear around at 60 kph is somewhat curtailed by the potholes, the occasional speed-bump, and the more than occasional cow in the road. (Oh yes, and the elephant. I saw my first elephant today).

Having survived day one, this morning I took the bike (or to be more accurate, the bike took me at times really) into the heart of Goa, away from the coast. Off the beaten track, Goa is quite different – very green, amazing bright painted houses, often kept immaculately, and exceptionally friendly people. Coming from a grumpy London, the constant smiling is almost un-nerving.

The rules of the Indian road are that there are no rules. As a pedestrian, it grates to hear the horn used seemingly on every possible occasion. As a biker (for I am he), the benefits (pleasures) of injudicious use of the horn become abundantly clear – to list but a few of the meanings of that tinny bleep:

– Get out of the way
– I’m about to overtake you
– I know you’re about to overtake me
– Hi
– How’s the wife?
– And the kids?
– What the hell, let’s have a beep party

It’s all very good-natured really – the trucks even have a painted sign on the back saying “Horn – Please – OK!”

I survived a 100 km round trip returning to Anjuna beach as the sun started to fade over the Indian Ocean once more. There was one task left – to return the bike to a nervous Shastri. As I handed over the keys, I realized there was petrol left in the tank. Hmmm, I thought, time for a social experiment. I requested with a straight face that he pay me 50 rupees (about 70p) for the petrol (probably worth 250). I think this might have been a first – it’s not often that the pleading is on the other foot as it were. There was much nervous giggling among his compadres, and Shastri professed to have no money. But with some gentle (smiling) persistence, I think I won the day, and he says he will bring me the money tomorrow. Time will tell.

My next task is to secure tickets for the 4th England-India One-day international in Bangalore. I arrive Saturday, and it takes place Sunday. Here’s hoping. Any hints/tips/high level Indian government contacts greatly appreciated. And if they bat Ravi Bopara down at 8 again, I’ll be the one flinging Samosas on the pitch.

And finally, for technical wizards, RSS should now be enabled – see link at the bottom of the page. If you want to receive email messages with the blog in them, let me know and I will add you to the mailing list.

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